So here’s what’s true: I freaking love TWOP. I also freaking love Doctor Who and have been watching it since I was way too young to be watching it. So, put them together, extra-super-awesome, right? No. Because who does TWOP have recapping Doctor Who? Jacob. And Jacob, my friends, is a loon. I feel bad saying this because I’m sure he’s a nice guy and I even think we’d probably get along in person, but he is a loon. I can’t read his recaps. They are not funny and on crack. So, I figured I would try to do better, but since the fourth season is nearly over (new episode tonight! Woo!) and I don’t feel like Torrenting it, I decided to start with Torchwood. I can’t guarantee it’s as good as a professional recap, but it at least doesn’t make your head hurt as bad as trying to slog through the gardenpath chaos that is a Jacob recap. In case you were wondering, the illustrious noodlehead has this to say about the series: “Actually, you could even say Season 1 of Torchwood is not “about” Gwen or Jack, but about the icky relationship between people and technology, people and the edge of superiority, people and the Other. It fails, spectacularly, and I love it — but it fails not because it’s about the wrong stuff or does what it’s “about” wrong: it’s just that we were trained by Rose to think the New Series were about particular characters.” Okay. Interpret as you will. Jacob also has this to say about Doctor Who: “So out of nowhere, Bootstrap Maggie goes, “Buffalo buffalo buffalo, buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.” Meaning, those buffalo who are buffaloed by buffalo often turn out to buffalo other buffalo, who are also historically buffaloed by their fellow buffalo. What it means is that everybody lies to everybody else — that there’s always another head on the totem pole, below yours. And above. What it means is that “buffalo” is the password to language: verb, object, subject, noun, adjective. To buffalo, I buffalo, you buffalo, we buffalo. And if I’m tricking you, and you’re tricking somebody, if we’re all the buffalo that buffalo buffalo, we’re all in the same trap. The only way out is to rise: to tell the truth. Bliss would call the buffalo a symbol of the Doctor, because Bliss thinks everything is a symbol of the Doctor, and vice versa. Bless Bliss, we used to say. Bless Bliss. But she’s right about that, too: he’s the key you turn in the lock called everything, the password to the whole world. Verb, object, subject, noun, adjective: the Doctor doctors, I doctor, you doctor, we doctor. He’s the buffalo. The last of them.” So, there you go. Jacob is a loon. I admit to also being kind of a loon, but I promise there will be no references to Odysseus or classical mythology in my recaps unless they’re actually brought up in the show. Let’s go to the videotape!