Jack’s up on the rooftop again, staring out at Cardiff. There’s been a major disturbance in his force. He’s still having flashbacks, and we learn that his mom survived, but when MiniJack finds her she seems more upset about his losing Grey than she is happy to see him. Jack and his issues just chill on the very, very tall structure, and I really dunno if that’s the safest place for him to be while in this mindset.

Rhys and Gwen get ready for bed, and I watched this scene through once with no subtitles and discovered that Rhys hasn’t become any more comprehensible – it’s just way easier when you have the stuff written at the bottom of the screen. I had to go back and do it over with subtitles on. Anyway, he’s moping, and says he’s worried that Gwen settled for him when they first met, and that since she’s basically just meeting him again now, she won’t look at him twice. He leans in suddenly and kisses her, and seems to hope for a few moments that that’ll have fixed everything, but Gwen says it didn’t. “But … it was nice.” She is such a goofball. Rhys sort of snuggles up to her neck, and she says that’s nice too, and Rhys says he knows all the stuff she likes. She makes some sketchy eyes at him. “Remind me some more.” SKETCHYYYYY. We cut from them making out to Tosh ripping off Adam’s clothes. Haaaaa. She flings him down on the bed and he flips her over, then stops her to ask, “How far would you go for me?” Tosh is willing to demonstrate, but he stops her and continues creepily, “Would you die for me?” She nods, and Adam’s all, awesome!

Back at Deep-13, Jack comes in and AHHHHHHH 23! Sorry, there’s a huge number 23 on the wall behind him and it scared the crap out of me. From some dark corner, Ianto says Jack’s name really quietly in this scared little voice. NOOOOOOOOOOOO IANTO I LOVE YOUUUUUU. Why does everyone always break the cute one? Jack jumps a little and then sees it’s just Ianto. The poor little(although I think he’s actually the tallest) thing is slumped down against the stairwell where Adam left him. He tells Jack that he’s a killer and that Jack needs to lock him up. Jack says this isn’t funny, and he needs to knock it off, but Ianto’s serious. He’s all twitchy and jumpy. He says none of the Torchies are safe as long as he’s free, and he’ll turn on them eventually. He’s jumping around like a trapped animal, and Jack grabs him and pulls him close. He calms him down and says something’s happened to him, because Jack won’t believe Ianto’s a killer. Awwwwwwwwww. Jack straps Ianto to a chair – some things never change I guess – and points an alien lie detector at him. He says the light will turn from green to red if Ianto lies. Gareth David Lloyd pulls out his best Hamlet voice for this scene and starts describing the murders in a mix of horror and intense, evil satisfaction. The light stays green. Jack tells him to keep talking but the light just goes on being green. Ianto says this proves it but Jack still won’t believe it. He storms into the main room and sees that there’s new security footage from the cameras. He plays back the clip of Adam torturing Ianto. He frowns and scrolls through until he finds Adam being introduced to Gwen, and he watches her facial expression change abruptly as Adam touches her. He rewinds it and replays it a few times. Jack goes to get Ianto, who jerks away, but Jack firmly steers him into the other room and makes him watch the footage of Adam shoving new memories into his head. They’re digging through records and files and things when suddenly the lights turn on. They both freak out and try hilariously to look casual – Jack grabs a random book and flips through it – but it’s just nerdy Owen in a cute jacket, carrying a big huge thing of white flowers. He eyes Jack a little nervously, then puts the vase down and retreats to his lab.

Also, I happened to freeze-frame on Jack going back into his office, and over (I think) Owen’s desk is one of those grow-your-own kits, but this one says Grow-Your-Own-Therapist. It hasn’t been taken out of the box. Haaaaaaaaaaa. Toshiko sees that the flowers are sitting on her desk and, Owen I love you but white lilies are in rather bad taste, I think. They remind me of funerals. Anyway, he comes in (WEARING A SWEATERVEST) and says they’re an apology for last night, and he still wants them to be friends. Adam watches from his desk, amused. Owen heads back to his lab and Gwen enters. Tosh asks how she’s doing and when Gwen says things are coming back to her slowly, Adam looks very concerned. He gets up to give Gwen a big hug and pulls Owen and Tosh in as well. Jack glowers from behind one of the windows, and Ianto goes by, trying to avoid Adam’s gaze. Adam notices this and chases him down for a quick arm-squeeze, then sends him off to get him a coffee. He plops back down in his desk chair and Jack’s right there to point  a pistol at the back of his head.
“Talk to me, Adam. If that’s even your name.”
The other Torchies try to call Jack off, but he tells them that Adam didn’t exist until two days ago. And in that time he bought Owen and Tosh new wardrobes? Jack says he’s sure because he has concrete memories of Adam, but there’s no emotion attached to them – Adam can only fake events. He also thinks his recent flashbacking has been caused by Adam screwing around in his head. He tells Adam to get up and put his hands on his head – no touchies! Okay, you see that feeling there, Jack? These are called “boundaries.” You can sometimes – and I know this sounds odd – not want someone to touch you. Yeah, I know, it’s all new and different, right? He marches Adam out, but Tosh pulls a gun on him. She tells Jack to stop and screams at Owen when he tries to calm her down. Luckily, Ianto’s there to snatch the gun away. Jack screams at Adam for turning his teammates against each other, but I just lauuuugh and laugh. Because they get along so well when people aren’t fucking with their brains.

Adam flings himself against the walls of his cell, panicking. He begs Jack not to kill him and says he didn’t mean any harm, he just did what he needed to to survive. Jack says he changed them, but Adam insists it was for the better – Owen minus the cynicism, Toshiko plus a spine … Jack says it’s bullshit, and wants to know why Adam picked them. He says it’s because they’re so unique and interesting, and screams that if they kill him they’ll never be able to forget him, and he’ll just go on living in their minds. Jack goes upstairs and calls everyone into the conference room. He says he somehow needs to fix everybody, so they’re all going to have to find some specific memory that defines who they are, some kind of … oh I dunno, touchstone? Constant, maybe? He switches the tv to a soothing ripply screensaver and turns down the lights. He wants them all to say ommmmmmmmmm. No he doesn’t. Gwen finds a memory of Rhys from college. She laughs at some stupid joke he was telling. Owen has gone back to his tenth birthday. This can’t be good. Apparently his mom spent the whole day telling him, “I love you because you’re my son – but that doesn’t mean I have to like you!” Awwwwww sad little TinyOwen. In all fairness, though? I heart Owen too but that doesn’t really mean I like him. Toshiko has picked math club because she’s a big ol nerd who only gets laid if the person she sleeps with dies by the end of the episode. No seriously. Go check. Breaks your heart, really. Ianto has picked … the day he met Lisa. And Ianto beats out Owen in the sad-memory contest by a nose! They find some more and right now they all look like loons because they’re alternating between speaking in internal monologue voiceover and speaking out loud. So Jack (whose memories we don’t get to hear about) is just hearing these disjointed sentences every so often. Oh, and Ianto has decided to really trump it by picking the day he lost Lisa! Then Gwen ruins the scene by saying she loves Rhys, then turning to Jack and saying, “But not the way I love you.” Jack panics and tries to edge away – run, Jack, run! – and hands her a retcon pill and squeezes her shoulder. Toshiko says she knows she’s special, she’s just waiting for someone who can see it, and won’t die by the end of the episode. Jack squeezes her shoulder, gives her a pill too, and says he sees it. Also, he totally won’t die. And that’s the story of how Jack slipped roofies to his entire team and did them all. Er, I mean, now it’s Owen’s turn. Oh, Owen’s not out of the race yet! He’s making great use of his remaining time in the sweatervest and sniffles that he’s saved lives, hundreds of them, but who will save him? Jack says he will. And gives him a pill. This scene is so weird. Oh, damn, Ianto’s fighting hard – he says that coming to Torchwood gave him meaning, then looks at Jack and says, “you …” he trails off and Jack kisses his forehead. I love these two. So much. STOP TRYING TO RUIN MY FAVORITE COUPLE, GWEN!

Jack says the pills will only wipe out the last 48 hours, and Tosh is crying because now she doesn’t get to have had sex, and is also coming to realize that her vagina is apparently deadly. I hope she only uses that super-power for good. Adam is flailing wildly in his cell. Owen takes off his glasses, smiles at Tosh, and downs his pill. Tosh decides to ruin everything by bringing Adam up on the live feed. She says she’s going to lose so much. GOD TOSH SUCK IT UP AND FIND A NORMAL BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND ALREADY! I want to slap her. Even Jack tells her to snap the fuck out of it already because none of what she’s feeling is real or even consensual. He sits her down and she takes her medicine, then slumps over unconscious. Jack leaves the room and we see all of his teammates slumped over on the table as he walks out the door, and I really wish they’d used that shot in some previews because it lends itself so well to gross misinterpretation.

Jack heads down to say hi to Adam, who isn’t looking so good. Adam begs for mercy and tries to negotiate – he can give Jack back something nice, something that’s a real memory that he’s just forgotten. He says he’ll do this because Jack was the way he got back into the world, and he wants to thank him. Jack closes his eyes and makes his flashback sex-faces, which are so much funnier than Hiro’s timetravel constipation-faces. Also I’m not sure how this is working since Adam isn’t touching him, but maybe that’s only necessary for the fake ones. Jack remembers playing baseball with his dad on the beach. Grey is there. “I’m running for the ball…” Jack says gleefully, channeling a laborador. Then his face darkens. MiniJack sees another boy pick the ball up. The boy says his name’s Adam. MiniAdam wants to know if he can play too, and MiniJack shoves him down. MiniJack’s dad scolds him and says if that’s how he’s going to be like that then they’re going home. Adam’s fucking up Jack’s best memories. MiniJack yells after his dad, saying that they don’t leave yet, that there’s a bonfire and his mom comes and now Adam’s fucked it all up. In the present, Jack sobs and demands Adam give him the old one back. Adam says Jack can’t erase him now, because if he does he’ll also lose all the memories Adam’s inserted himself into – he’ll forget all the good memories of his family. There’s also something about the box they found, and it sounds like Adam stole this good memory from Jack and sealed it in the box? As collateral? I dunno. Jack just says, “Goodbye, Adam.” and takes the pill. Adam collapses, in agony, and slowly and painfully flickers out of existence, and Jack slumps down against the wall.

Next morning, Jack wonders why he’s waking up on a cold concrete floor instead of snuggled up next to Ianto. He heads upstairs and the Torchies are confused because all the security footage and records and everything from the last 48 hours were wiped, and none of them can remember a thing. You didn’t think to like, leave yourself a note, Jack? Also, Owen is still wearing his sweatervest, but no glasses. Jack admires the flowers on Tosh’s desk, and she reads the note. “With apologies and love, Owen.” She’s gleeful, but Owen snorts that someone must be playing a joke on her. “I don’t do flowers,” he says, “And I definitely don’t do apologies.” She’s kind of crushed by this, but he gives her a little smile when he hands the card back to soften the blow. Awwww. Jack heads into his office and takes the box out of its bag, curious. A little piece of it falls on the floor, and Ianto comes in as he picks it up. Jack tells him his diary was in his office and Ianto’s like NOOOOOOOOOMINE and tries to grab it back. Jack hands it over and tells him “measuring tapes never lie.” Ianto cusses under his breath and leaves. Haaaaaaaaaa. Also, I have no idea. There’s a deleted scene on youTube that might explain more. Jack reads the bag and wants to know who the hell Adam is, and Ianto says he has no idea. Jack shrugs and stick the missing piece back into the side of the box, and makes a little gesture like, “ta-dahhhh! …… Magic box!  …… aaaaaand…..go!” but nothing happens. He sighs in disappointment and puts it down. As he leaves, the box opens and he goes back to look. Tipping it up, he dumps a whole bunch of sand out of the box and lets it run though his fingers. He’s totally confused, and finally shrugs and leaves.

Next Time: aliens want our blood! Murders! Exploding abdomens! Conspiracies aaaaaaaaaaaaand MISS! MARTHA! JONES! (although frankly, I love the girl to death, but they bring her back so often it’s not even exciting any more).